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A note from the Creatrix —
To preface, when I make essences, it’s a whole experience. The flowers come through and speak in very visual, visceral, metaphorical, internally experiential ways. I get a big download when making them, and it continues to unravel over the days or weeks, or months of taking them. So if you track me as you read below, great, and if you don't, take what lands, and try and trust the mystery of what doesn’t.
They are divine entities that share sacred consciousness and have been profoundly healing in my life.
It truly is a gift to share them.
The bluebell download —
I am leaving this unedited, in first person, in the context of the moment I wrote it. Trust the metaphorical applicable nature to the present you find yourself in.
Bluebell mama.
Divine communication.
There are times when speaking up is our lifeline.
A woman claiming her voice is big medicine, and women’s voices can break toxic timelines.
There can be so much trauma that creates painstaking silence, and silence that then invokes a loss of control, and we spillllll it all, leading to vulnerability hangovers, shock, shame, and regret.
As simple as it may seem, to speak or not to speak, it’s not simple. Or even necessarily voluntary.
Bluebell mama sweetness showed up to hold it all.
The first time I ever made Bluebell, I originally felt her pull in the name of my voice and thought she would open it, helping me to speak. But instead I sat down, dropped a single flower in the water, closed my eyes, and saw this little fairy with a bluebell hat and dress. She smiled and simply put her finger over her lips, saying shh.
Sometimes, whatever is at play is far beyond words or articulation. She promised that in these moments, she'd make sure that everything that needed to be translated would be.
As powerful as she is in her silence, she does have an affinity for telepathy-esque magic.
She has been the most interesting essence, because typically (always except for her), the essences are very personal. They are working on your body, your energy, and your process. Even if it's related to relational situations or collective happenings, they are working on you. But Bluebell — she is a divine communicator, and she does carry messages between people.
She not only works in such a divine way, but her presence is also incredibly calm and so grounding.
She is so nourishing to the nervous system.
So motherlike.
So there.
Solid. Strong. Unflinching.
That dependable, unshakeable love.
There are things that can never be pinned down, simplified, or even explained, but big energy moves.
There are times when the best thing we can do is leave it all unsaid.
And trust.
I don't have some grand advice to know the difference, of when to speak and when to shut our mouths, but I do know there is time for both.
It’s confusing to know at what point you let it all go and give up. At what point you trust, hold your reservations within, and take it one step at a time, biting your tongue. And knowing when to let go and close the door on something that feels unfinished.
It’s confusing to know at what point we let the explanation go and just feel.
Just be.
Just be together with loved ones, or with the solitude of ourselves.
I know for myself, watching and feeling the pain and suffering in the greater state of the world can be a lot. I’ll feel every wave of emotion possible, and they each ebb and flow, and cycle round. And round and round and round. And then I look around and wonder who else is feeling it, too? I wonder who else is feeling this collective ache, or am I feeling this differently than everybody else?
I’ve felt it in my personal life too. In old stories, and wounds. Places I want to own a certain realm of expression, and other places I want to surrender to my silence, and swaddle the mystery, unspoken, and unknown.
I’ve felt it watching the Epstein Files and seeing the high of bravery, people telling their stories, the catharsis, the healing…followed by criticism, the shaming, the brutal push back, and shut down. It’s an old cliche story, but nobody tells without getting pummeled.
So much energy in this world.
So much energy is moving through the state of our humanity right now.
And at least to some degree, there is a lot of big energy that is moving far beyond words, and one of the best things we can do is hold space for it to move through us so that we can be led.
Some of it’s personal. Some of it’s not. But it’s all bound.
We are vessels. And to hold space for ourselves to feel and be moved by life is an act of service.
As I sit with it all, and feel it all, miss Bell Mama is holding me tight. I get this sense she’s opened me to let the ocean swell and storm, and rest majestically within me.
Take a breath into the mystery.
Into the unknown.
Before I say goodbye, I have an important story to share.
About a month after originally writing the piece above, and taking this new batch I made of Miss Bluebell…I had a profound experience that she helped me with tremendously.
I had an experience of telling a few of my dearest friends about an experience of abuse that I had kept secret for years. The abuse involved people they knew, and I had toiled with telling for a very long time.
All I want to say is that I told, and it could not have gone better.
It could not have been more healing.
And I did have us all take the essence before I spoke. I felt her holding me, and them, and the space.
I felt her holding timelines backwards and forwards, pulling my heart, and moving it through my voice.
Of what needed to be shared.
And what didn’t.
She is something special.
Like nothing else.
And I adore her, with so much gratitude.
I tell you all of this because too many women have secrets.
Secrets that may be best to live in silence.
And secrets that are not our burden to fucking keep.
Too many women feel alone and misunderstood.
I don’t have the answers.
I definitely don’t have your answers.
But I do know, Miss Bluebell Mama has been a gracious support for me, and I hope she may be to you as well.
The Bluebell is also in the Womb and Inner Child blends. It pairs beautifully with Moving Grief – translating what needs to be translated in a way that you cannot.