Sexual Sovereignty is Sexual Empowerment.
One thing that I see missing most in sexual empowerment is women’s sexual sovereignty.
Most women were not introduced to the idea of their sexuality as something that they should relish in, cherish, or as something precious and their own. Our introduction to sex rarely, if ever, included the topic of sovereign sexual empowerment.
Most of us were not introduced to our sexuality in the context of teaching us to have reverence for our bodies, pleasure, our innocence, and curiosity. We were not introduced to it as lifeforce, or a profound experience of simply being alive in a body. Sexuality is often introduced with fear, shame, intergenerational complexities, and mixed messages. It's often introduced as something that is deeply tied to an act with another that we are not supposed to do, and therefore, our sexuality is something that we are supposed to shut down, quiet, or hide within ourselves.
Sexual empowerment and sovereignty are a woman claiming and embodying her sexual energy as her own and then letting her sexuality blossom from there.
I want all women to be able to rewrite the story of their sexuality in their body, heart, and eros as something sovereign, sacred, luscious, alive, and innocent, and I want all women to have a profound sense of safety to let this energy move within them unabashedly. I also want women to feel the freedom and permission to rewrite this story again and again, as their hearts, relationships, bodies, and lives inevitably change and evolve.
Our sexuality is shapeshifting, and it's ours to define.
Before I go further, I want to share that Pussy Fire: A Dark Feminine Awakening of Erotic Enlivenment is one of my dearest, deepest offerings that does just this. It’s not about sex itself; it’s about reclaiming this energy as ours, so our sexuality can have the sense of safety and freedom to blossom authentically from there.
Sexual sovereignty doesn’t mean that we can’t share our sexuality with anybody else, but when we deeply claim, and know it intimately in our bodies as our own first — this is how it becomes crystalline clear, and vibrant before we share it so it’s in its most powerful, and potent form. This is how we learn to read it, honor it, hold it, harness it, and wield it to protect ourselves and feed ourselves with Life and life force.
This kind of sexual empowerment is how we stay in alignment with ourselves.
Sexuality is typically only thought of as something that is shared with another, as an exchange of energy and bodies in a give-and-take kind of way. It’s thought of as something that can’t fully exist without someone else to play with – but in that narrative, we lose our roots.
It’s a gift – for ourselves, and another – to share this aliveness with another, to feel a sense of safety to let go with another, to have the confidence in our bodies, and beings to truly surrender to our life force and the current of life within us, but how we get here, is establishing a profound erotic relationship with ourselves first. It’s sensitizing our entire beings to pleasure, it’s rewilding our hearts, and it’s awakening us to be turned on by all of life. It’s becoming our own best lover, our own soul mate, and our own most trusted ally.
Knowing our sexual energy intimately as our own before dancing with another is how we stay in alignment with our truth, and honor the reality of the woman within, our bodies, and our nervous systems instead of shapeshifting to show up how we think we should, or to meet another how we think they want to be met.
Most of us don’t fully trust, or allow the woman within to express herself freely — especially her sexual desires and aversions. We hush her, hide her, and don’t believe she’s fully welcome. We consider her true expression a liability.
The external world versus our internal experience of being a sexual woman is creating a mass of dissonance between what we think sexual empowerment is and what actually feels empowering.
If our sexuality has only ever been developed in relation to others, we will struggle to separate it from love, belonging, and our worthiness. In a world that sexualizes, objectifies, and violates women and their bodies, we will also struggle to separate our sexuality and bodies from these cultural and societal messages.
Our sexuality becomes entangled with love, being wanted, and desired, and it becomes entangled with our fears of judgment, abandonment, and betrayal. It becomes entangled with our emotional and physical safety. It becomes entangled with beauty, body image, and how we think others will approve or disapprove of our looks. It becomes entangled with meeting others' wants and needs, and how they will receive, judge, or shame our wants and needs, physically and emotionally.
Our sexuality becomes tied to the pornographic, to misogyny, to the madonne-whore split, to the shaming of the feminine, to the denial of our cyclical nature, to the wounds and distrust in sisterhood and with men, and then we are cornered to suppress and contort our hearts, bodies, and instincts to fit in – in sex and all of life.
Our sexuality is supposed to be about pleasure, an open heart, communion, feeling the divinity of Life and our bodies, and simply feeling good — this is sexual empowerment.
But this is not most women’s experience.
Until we drop into our sexual energy as ours first and foremost, claiming or reclaiming our sexual sovereignty, it's going to be really hard to untangle ourselves from the complexities that have become bound to a woman's sexuality.
We will never escape the complexities in the outside world; we can’t erase our past experiences or the imprints that society and life have left on us, but within this perspective shift of sovereign reclamation, the charge shifts. We gift ourselves the safety to dance on a blank canvas within in solitude, to steady our footing and get clear, so that we can build the capacity to meet the vulnerability and challenges around sex, love, relationship dynamics, and our worth and be able to better hold our ground honoring our truth as it ebbs and flows, and shifts and changes throughout life.
Our sexuality is not just about sex, it’s about all of life — and this is what Pussy Fire is all about. It’s a dark feminine awakening of erotic enlivenment, reclaiming the innocence of what is ours and always has been. It’s sexual empowerment that starts deep within — with you, and you only.
How we show up in sex, or our sexuality, is mirrored in how we show up in the rest of life. Relationally, in our bodies, and in our voice, boundaries, and self-expression. Sex is one of, if not the most vulnerable acts we can partake in. It is deeply exposing. And without the capacity to be in deep integrity, honoring the woman and truth within, we compromise ourselves. And this, in turn, compromises everything.
I created Pussy Fire because I have never found a container quite like what I have created that is rooted in building a sense of safety to simply bask in this energy, and the body of woman listening to what it all has to share with us.
I created this container because I believe that the tap root of sexual empowerment lies far beneath the acts of sex itself.
And it’s tied to our fire — the fire of our sensuality, the erotic, our instincts, rage, and passion.
Because again how we show up in life, and sex are bound. This journey is not focused on acts of sex or sexual self-touch, but it is juicy and pleasure-filled. The dance I will be taking you through of sexual reclamation, sovereignty, and enlivenment is one of the most powerful and enlivening things I believe we can do as women, and I hope for the sake of all women, if you feel the call, you will say yes.
Our bodies are wise, and our female form has a lot of untapped intelligence in its biology and physiology that we do not collectively stoke. This container is here to stoke it.
There are bundles of nerves in the pelvis tied to our brain, our hormonal cycling, and stages of life that uniquely affect our consciousness, and we are not educated to tap into this. We are groomed to dissociate from it and invalidate it to fit in in love, and the messages of how we are supposed to embody our feminine energy, ourselves as women, and our sexuality.
To light the flames of sexual empowerment is a declaration to choose you, your body, your heart, and your life, and it’s to devote yourself to more enlivenment, pleasure, and joy in every waking moment of your life moving forward.
What would it feel like to truly have a wild love affair with yourself that was deeply intimate, emotional, sensual, vulnerable, fiery, juicy, luscious, and pleasure-filled? What if you were everything that you’ve been waiting for? What if everything you’ve been longing for is accessible within you?
This doesn’t mean this isn’t something to be shared with another, that there isn’t magic, beauty, healing, and power in sharing our sexuality with another. It’s just that it doesn’t come from another. It’s ours. It’s our share as we wish. But it’s always ours first. When we are guided from within instead of outside, this is where the power lies.
Sexual empowerment is tied to the many veins of the dark feminine that are not just about sex.
If you are ready to jump — this dark feminine awakening is like nothing else.
Reclaim the power of your body, heart, and eros.
If you want something smaller to taste, you can also start with either the Flower Essence Set or the 7 Days of Sexual Healing. Regardless of where you go next, I hope this finds you well and that you feel the embers of power crackling within you.
With love, and until next time.
Abby
